Whatever Shall We Do?

Let's go Jogging!

Really, it's been too long. I have a lot of writing to post. Saved as drafts. I'm actually weighing the options of pissing off the people from my band 12 years ago. I've been weighing them every night in the shower and on the toilet.

Meanwhile,

I just walked my dog around Lake of the Isles, and there were a huge number of joggers out. Most of them looked really awkward as they approached, and when they jogged by, arms flapping, gangly legs supported by feet that, when airborne seemed to rotate in all planes so that I was amazed when the foot came down flat, over half of them had this look in their faces as if they were doing it for the wrong reasons...

Don't eat the chips.

I'm Really Not THAT Bad

Posting an exchange with a Facebook friend in lieu of several other posts that are still a' brewing...

Me: "[My Friend's Name Will Remain Anonymous], do you ever get the feeling that people just flat out don't like you? I don't mean that like it sounds. But recently I've just been really surly about a lot of things, and I get the feeling that no matter how I attempt to come across, there's an air of trepidation and dislike where my presence is concerned. I suppose it's because I've created that to a degree, but I just can't sit back anymore when I listen to some of the blanket-statement crap that comes out of peoples mouths. Sorry, I'm just kind of venting."

[My Friend]:

"My dear friend, I know exactly what you mean. I know there are a world of people out there who despise me too. But guess what? They're not important. Why would I waste a second of mental energy on my enemies, when I can take comfort in the thought of my friends, people like you?

Maybe this will help. You have to remember that people are tribal. They define themselves by something basic and then live by that creed, rejecting all those who don't. It doesn't mean they're evil and it doesn't mean they're stupid. It's probably instinctual, which means we can't change anyone. Our ancestors survived the wilds of the savannah through tribal behaviors. And on an emotional level, so do we.

Here are some examples: Republicans hate liberals. Rockers hate rap fans. Southerners hate yankees. The wealthy despise the poor, and vice versa. Fundamentalist Christians sneer at everyone. Young people dislike the elderly. Pro-lifers hate the young women who appear for an abortion. I could do this all day.

So when someone dislikes you, my friend, it says nothing about you at all. It's them.

As for those blanket statements, I don't know what to say. Argument is unproductive, I've learned. No one ever says, "you raise an interesting point." Everyone sticks to their guns. To allow your thinking to change is apparently a sign of weakness. I don't believe that will ever change. But you don't have to be a prisoner to it. You can always walk away."

Me: "Thanks, I needed to be reminded of that."


This raises an interesting point...

We Live In A World Of People. Doin' Whatever The Hell They Want. The Future Looks Bright.

What the fuck is up with people who are out and about at the same time I decide to go run my errands? Why is it that I continually run into selfish nimrod fuckbrains when all I'm trying to do is procure groceries and cat litter? Why do I feel the need to even comment on the inglorious state of society-at-large not doing what I want them to do when there are 1.5 blogs for every man, woman, and dried dog turd out there, bitching and moaning about the very same thing? I'll tell you why: Because I'd rather do this than yell at the cats. Yes, I get off on reading my own posts like you might get off on a good piece of whatever-it-is-you-do-to-decompress.

"Whoa! Shit! Marge! Get in here and taste a piece of this cake I baked up! Goddammit, I felt like I was channeling fucking James Beard!" Kind of like that.

The simple truth is that, the above awkward analogy somewhat not withstanding, we, as a still infantile race, have way too much lack of experience out in public, are increasingly informed socially by our choices on The Idiot Boxt, and as a result tend to work out our selfish impulses in public much more often than we care to admit, and, much to the chagrin of the others working their selfish impulses out, there is the inevitable clash of selfish impulses for the simple reason that there's too many channels of utter shit beaming through the wires, literally and figuratively. Sure, that's a weak thread, but so what. I'll bet there's more than a grain of truth to it all.

Case(s) in point:

1. The assholes that just stand in the middle of a grocery aisle oblivious to the fact that others need to maneuver through the space they've so punishingly blocked with their fat fucking asses. What is up with these people? Are they so inspired by their newfound realization that they actually have a CHOICE when shopping, that they have to make some sort of traffic-jam-spectacle out of themselves? "Look at me! I can choose ORGANIC frozen tater tots!"

Solution: Mini-cattle prods and air-horns. Taze the fuckers to the ground and then just lay on that air-horn until they bleed from the eardrums. Guarantee they'll be hugging the interior aisle line, and the post-traumatic stress will either make them work off the extra weight, or cause them to eat themselves into a cholesterol-induced aneurysm. Either way, you're doing those who mind the rules of courtesy a big favor by weeding out the herd.

2.Cyclists who blow 4-way stop signs when they're not the first ones to the intersection.

I'll admit, I'm always blowing stop signs on my bicycle...WHEN I'M THE FIRST ONE TO THE INTERSECTION, OR THERE'S NO ONE ELSE AT THE INTERSECTION! Otherwise, I leave it alone. My reasoning is thus: If I'm the first one to the intersection, it's much more of a hassle for the driver of an automobile to have to wait for me to stop...then SLLOOWWWLY get up to speed, pass through the intersection so they can be on their way. It's just a setup for tons of impatient automobile drivers to add to their list of Why Cyclists Suck. And to be honest, from what I've seen, most cyclists do suck. They ride like selfish little brats all stoked on their newfound freedom and they're gonna just do whatever the hell they want, because they've probably figured that no one really wants to deal with the hassle that comes with hitting a cyclist. And they're right. I have just about had it with these fuckers. Today, on the way to the store, in the car, I come to a four-way stop. I stop. I'm about to go when I see something out of the corner of my left eye. I look up, and there he is: Poster Child for Truth in Vasectomy and Abstinence. Long, flowing locks wound around a messenger bag strap wobbling atop an ancient lugged beater bike; eyes bagged out from too much living for one so young as this; weary lines cut from too much depth of thought brought on by swan-dives into violent psychedelic nights with his caste of idiots; lines forced into what was once a youthful expressive mask from too many drug-induced magical realizations. And now he's going to make us all pay by running a stopsign. Looks me right in the eye and just blows right through the intersection. Had I actually gone when I had the inclination, he would have plowed right into the drivers' side of my car. Which, among other reasons, would have been unfortunate due to the fact that I might not be able to open the damaged driver's-side door in order to stomp this idiots tongue into his mouthful of broken teeth.

Solution: Spring-loaded broom-handle launcher. Right into the spokes. Or the sides of the kneecaps. When the rider's down, exit the car and take a shit on their chest. Then say something witty like: "Say 'NO' to assholes who comment on YouTube!"

C'mon people. Be nice. Be sensible. Be aware of others. Take the time to take some time. Think. Otherwise there's going to be a lot of shit on a lot of chests. Wait. I forgot. Fetishists.

DAMMIT!

Fucking Procrastination!

Shit! I really have to update more often. There's so much to say. I think I wait for it all to build up to the point of overload and then just puke it all out on the ol' blog here. My links are out of date. Who's going to click on those damned things anyway? Everyone clicking on each other's links 24/7. Kind of weird in a super-interesting sort of way. Wife's out of town. Dog's sleeping. I've been eating cereal and thinking I'm 10 years old again. Sci-Fi channel played a Land Of The Lost marathon last night. I remember watching that on Saturday mornings when I was a tot. Boy does it look dated. Quite cerebral and well thought-out though. I should have watched more. I probably could have figured out where things took a serious left turn for me...just from my childhood fantasies as they related to my fascination with Sleestacks. Problem is, I experienced a sugar crash from the three bowls of Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles and instead retired to bed dozing through four pages of Joe Haldeman's The Accidental Time Machine before drooling off to sleep. Idea: invent a video game first-person shooter where the player gets to hunt down all reality show contestant/participant douchebags (I'm looking at you, John and Kate Gosselin) and waste them with extreme prejudice, then gather all the folks together who watch this shit, mix them with equal parts sand, nuke the fuckers and harness the reflective energy from the resulting radioactive glass sea and sell it to polar regions as "stupid people heat". Use the resulting money to balance the budget. There. Who needs Obama? I'm on it, folks...

Easter Beans

I joined Facebook, and tonight have had about enough Easter comments to last me another year. A good friend suggested that I post a rant that I posted in my Facebook "what's on your mind" window. So, after a couple of comments about me "being too deep" and "over-analyzing", I'm doing just that. By the way, I get off on being deep and over-analyzing at times, so if it upsets you, don't do it, but don't assume that it upsets me or that I'm poking around in the Devil's speedo, because there's no such thing as the Devil. It's a lipstick wearing Chupacabra from the 8th dimension. And it loves beignets.

Here ya go:

If we weren't quickened by time and the crush of electric reality that no matter how hard one struggles to define, no one really knows nor has proof of what happens to us after death, we would probably learn to coexist much more peacefully. For no matter how we try to define a reality for ourselves and how we feel others should live, there's always the restriction of the observer being subjected to their own subjectivity when defining what it means to be alive; what it means to be sentient; what it means to be. Even then, most of us develop some sort of paradigm we, for the most part are willing to kill for, put our children up to live against , subject the animals and environment to, but in rare cases, outright die for. It’s a shame to think that we can be so smug in our outlook that we impose our will on others when, in reality, we may not be willing to take that outlook to our grave willingly, and furthermore may just doing all that we can to keep ourselves in a state of semi-intellectual lethargy.

Happy Easter.

A friend responded: "I could exist more peacefully with myself and my internal monologue if I knew what lies in wait when this life ends. Faith would certainly be easier than this uncertainty."

I responded: "Well, sure. So could everyone. That's the point. Most religion is so freaking archaic, it only exists because most people are afraid to face the fact that you may just die and that's it. If that's the case, then it's all the more reason to live life generously and help others when you can. Really, I think it's what you leave to the world that matters in the end. That being said, I've got some work to do!"

Same friend responded: "Ditto. I helped resurrect someone today but I got paid for it so I don't think it counts toward the good deed department." (she's a fire-dept cmt, and I don't think getting paid to do something life-saving necessarily cancels out the good deed).

Another friend responded: "You would see the same lunacy, just under a different construct.

"I would argue if you knew when you died there was nothing following this world, that things would be much worse. Nothing holding anyone back, no moral compass, no consequences. I'm not really drinking what organized religion is selling (if there is something afterward I find it amusing that someone out there thinks they know the answer and everyone else is wrong), but you have to think something happens after you take the dirt nap.

"Having dealt with religious crazies first hand though, I feel you on this one....

"Happy Easter my agnostic friend. And stop being so deep, this is FB for crying out loud. What happened to the blog???" (point taken, bro.)

A high school friend responded: "Skiles, I am printing this and mailing it to Father Fred. You are in big trouble. Hope you are ready to sit in a desk for three hours on Saturday and think about what you just typed." (Father Fred was the vice-principal at a Catholic High school I attended. This was my fave comment of all.)

Another friend responded:

"Maybe you should make some lemondrops with all those lemons life has given you!

If religion did not exist, can you imagine the morality of the human race? I can't get my son to behave without threats of taking away video games, toys, etc. Taking away an after life, now, that's a threat!

You need a vacation. Go to the beach, the mountains, the lake. Quit over-anylizing life, and live. Enjoy this life. ... Read More

And- Happy Easter :-).

And I responded:

Can I imagine the morality of the human race? Have you taken a look around lately? Religion has been behind a lot of death and war lately. Religion doesn't exist for a lot of people, and they live perfectly moral lives. No disrespect, but Religious disagreement has been one of the biggest reasons given for war in the history of humanity; people shut others out because they don't believe the same dogma. I mean, listen to what you're saying. "Taking away an afterlife, now that's a threat!" That's exactly what I'm talking about. Nobody knows that there's an afterlife, there's no proof, but it's used as a threat instead of a metaphor for how one should live their life. I think we pile our own fears of our deaths up on our children with this idea of heaven and hell, and it's from a BOOK some folks wrote to keep the ignorant in line. Blind faith based on dogma handed down through the years. People have lived perfectly moral upstanding lives without a belief in an afterlife BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE THIS LIFE MAY BE ALL THERE IS. I've spent too much time trying to convince myself that there IS an afterlife, and really, that's where all the lemons have come from. Look at all the ... Read Morepeople who call themselves religious end up doing really sick shit. People will do sick shit whether or not there's religion, and I think that understanding that it may be socio-psychological and not the "sin impulse" or "demons" is a healthier way to approach it. I never really bought the afterlife thing anyway. So, I'm making lemondrops out of the fact that I'm perfectly comfortable with dying and that's all there is.
I've always analyzed life, and I always will. And I've realized that without lemons, you can't make lemondrops. Without pain, you can't realize the comfort of the beaches or the mountains, or a vacation.

And I had a good Sunday. It just happened to be Easter for some folks.

I'll leave it at this: George Carlin, my man, you said it in your own way. Sooo eloquently:

"Sanctity of life. You believe in it? Personally, I think it's a bunch of shit. Well, I mean, life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death! Has been for thousands of years. Hindus, Muslims, Jews, Christians all taking turns killing each other 'cuz God told them it was a good idea. The sword of God, the blood of the lamb, vengeance is mine. Millions of dead motherfuckers. Millions of dead motherfuckers all because they gave the wrong answer to the God question. 'You believe in God?' 'No.' *Pdoom*. Dead. 'You believe in God?' 'Yes.' 'You believe in my God? 'No.' *Poom*. Dead. 'My God has a bigger dick than your God!' Thousands of years. Thousands of years, and all the best wars, too. The bloodiest, most brutal wars fought, all based on religious hatred. Which is fine with me. Hey, any time a bunch of holy people want to kill each other I'm a happy guy.

"But don't be giving me all this shit about the sanctity of life. I mean, even if there were such a thing, I don't think it's something you can blame on God. No, you know where the sanctity of life came from? We made it up. You know why? 'Cuz we're alive. Self-interest. Living people have a strong interest in promoting the idea that somehow life is sacred. You don't see Abbott and Costello running around, talking about this shit, do you? We're not hearing a whole lot from Musolini on the subject. What's the latest from JFK? Not a goddamn thing. 'Cuz JFK, Musolini and Abbott and Costello are fucking dead. They're fucking dead. And dead people give less than a shit about the sanctity of life. Only living people care about it so the whole thing grows out of a completely biased point of view. It's a self serving, man-made bullshit story.

"It's one of these things we tell ourselves so we'll feel noble. Life is sacred. Makes you feel noble. Well let me ask you this: if everything that ever lived is dead, and everything alive is gonna die, where does the sacred part come in? I'm having trouble with that. 'Cuz, I mean, even with all this stuff we preach about the sanctity of life, we don't practice it. We don't practice it. Look at what we'd kill: Mosquitos and flies. 'Cuz they're pests. Lions and tigers. 'Cuz it's fun! Chickens and pigs. 'Cuz we're hungry. Pheasants and quails. 'Cuz it's fun. And we're hungry. And people. We kill people... 'Cuz they're pests. And it's fun!

"And you might have noticed something else. The sanctity of life doesn't seem to apply to cancer cells, does it? You rarely see a bumper sticker that says 'Save the tumors.'. Or 'I brake for advanced melanoma.'. No, viruses, mold, mildew, maggots, fungus, weeds, E. Coli bacteria, the crabs. Nothing sacred about those things. So at best the sanctity of life is kind of a selective thing. We get to choose which forms of life we feel are sacred, and we get to kill the rest. Pretty neat deal, huh? You know how we got it? We made the whole fucking thing up! Made it up!

"Thank you." --GEORGE CARLIN.

c:> Run Program...

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